Authentic & Unapologetic: maybe I'm just a square peg in a round hole?

In a world where social media seems to play such an important role in how we present ourselves, how can we shut out the noise of 'social acceptance' in order to find our truly authentic selves in both the real and virtual world?

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'Refilling my cup' with a little writing time!

Being 'unapologetically authentic' is a phrase that has been circulating within my mind now for the past couple of months and it is a new attitude that I am currently trying to adopt. Part of this could be linked to my new blog venture and the realisation that if I want to be a writer (who shares their work with others), I have to do the following: break out of my comfort zone; be confident in my own voice; and finally, be open to all types of feedback - positive, negative, constructive and complete indifference! I think many writers write because they enjoy the process; for me it is about reconnecting with myself, understanding my thoughts and feelings in a nonsensical world and ultimately, 'refilling my cup'. However, there came a point where I knew I wanted to 'put myself out there' and see if there was anybody else sharing the same musings as I. Consequently, the concept of 'exposure' became real and practising this new mindset was essential.

My Story:

Like many others, I am often plagued by worries regarding social acceptance: both in the real world and virtual world. And yes, I guess it's natural to want to 'fit in', be 'liked' or feel a sense of belonging but I think this often overrides our ability to reconnect with our true self. As a result of this, we can often feel inclined to service the social needs of others - instead of our own - and this is both emotionally and mentally draining over time. More often than not, in social situations we can worry about offending others or not being 'fun enough' thus leading to harmful rumination over particular interactions. This type of ruminating can present itself as mentally 'dissecting' previous conversations or simply 'over analysing' and worrying about others and their perceptions of us. This is something that I have experienced and, from my discussions with others, it seems that this type of social anxiety is common. I guess it stems from a fear of 'making a mistake' thus being 'ostracised' from the group. Naturally, our 'survival instincts' can take over to remain one of the 'herd' and in the 21st century, this translates to our interpersonal communication and it can be easy to fall into the 'herd mentality': doing whatever it takes to 'fit in' for protection. However, it is not a survival situation and nor should it elicit the same type of 'fight or flight' response. So how do we re-regulate our nervous system and bring ourselves back to who we really are as opposed to who we think we should be?

Approximately fifteen years ago, I embarked on a brand new adventure: 'moving out' of the family home and starting university. Yes, it is a very common step for many young adults but, for me personally, I found the change a struggle. I had been catapulted from a small, sleepy village (situated in rural Dorset) into the busy, bright lights of a thriving town in outer London; it was a shock to say the least! And, unsurprisingly, the first year was a steep learning curve peppered with many highs and lows. One day, towards the end of the academic year, I decided to go into London and explore. Still new to the city, I ended up in the touristy (but very quaint) Covent Garden and spontaneously booked a spiritual session with a psychic. Perhaps detecting my slightly nervous disposition, they gave me a piece of advice so simple but one that has stuck with me ever since. They told me: "you won't find happiness until you stop caring about what other people think of you".

Yes, it may sound simple. Yes, it may sound a little direct. But ultimately, I think this is key when working towards being your authentic self: in the unapologetic sense.

Recently I have been inspired by a multitude of people: both online and offline. I have been fortunate to be able to travel and meet lots of people (who I have learnt a great deal from), but I have also been inspired by the people that I follow on social media. On my feed, I regularly see a variety of people being their authentic selves and it is so refreshing! This looks different depending on the person, as it may be any of the following: their creative expression and talents that they boldly share with others; their honesty and courage about their difficulties when faced with adversity; or even just living their lives in a way that makes them happy, free from societal expectation. These are just a few examples but seeing others share their stories, share their vulnerabilities and ultimately share themselves - regardless of the judgement that they might face - gives me the strength to move closer to my authentic self: free from worrying about people's perceptions of me. When I see their posts light up my news feed, I'm in awe of their confidence and the way they take ownership of their own narrative, which can often be extremely challenging for many different and complex reasons.

Anybody reading this who knows me personally, will vouch that technology has not always been a strength of mine and for a long period of time, I opted to have a break from using social media. I tried my best to live under a rock - a digital detox of sorts - and this has been somewhat liberating. However, the world is paradoxically getting smaller and bigger at the same time due to the abundance of digital communication that exists nowadays; and, in turn, this opportunity to connect globally broadens the mind, opening up a wealth of possibility with it.

New Domains:

When I decided to leave my previous career, I was keen to connect with others that were doing what I wanted to be doing. It suddenly dawned on me that perhaps it was time to re-join certain digital platforms and, naturally, I felt a little nervous about this: partly due to my lack of confidence around technology along with an awareness of the possible negative effects it can have upon mental health. Regardless of this, I decided to take small steps by learning a little each day in order to enjoy the process. I gradually became more adept in my navigation of this new domain and its exposure to other communities was eye-opening. Whether that be writing, acting, travelling or even attending workshops on personal and spiritual development (with other like-minded individuals), there were groups and specialists in all of these fields at the touch of a button. Therefore, reconnecting and operating within these different social circles enabled me to successfully integrate my new priorities into my life (much more quickly!) thus allowing me to live more consciously and in alignment with myself.

With my world and mind expanding simultaneously, my return to social media has been a pleasant experience. It has taught me that having a healthy relationship with social media is a balancing act with both my consumption and perception of it. Having digital detox days provides a healthy break and sometimes, scheduling sessions means that I am using it intentionally with direction, as opposed to it simply becoming a harmful distraction. Furthermore, when I see posts or stories linked to my interests and aspirations, I am able to use this as inspiration and a way to obtain useful knowledge instead of slipping into feelings of 'FOMO' or 'compare and despair'.

Authentic & Unapologetic Approaches:

Below are a few strategies that I have currently been trying to apply in my everyday life in order to help me live in a way that is true to myself:

• surrounding myself with positive, open-minded people that help to raise my vibration;

• seeking out people who are doing what I want to do, learning from them and then joining them;

• trying to take a step back in situations and see things from different perspectives or even a 'higher perspective' if needed;

• thinking about how I react to situations instead of trying to control the situation so that I have time to respond in a way that is true to me and reflective of how I actually feel;

• and finally, asking myself the following question regarding my interactions with others - am I servicing my needs or the needs of others in this social situation?

I am also trying to prioritise the following practices in order to bring true awareness to self:

• expressing daily gratitude;

• writing poetry as a form of journaling in order to articulate, understand and accept more difficult emotions;

• and finally, carving out time (daily) for my hobbies and other things that bring me joy so that I feel more energised and connected to self.

From speaking to others, meditation and breath work is also recommended. These are two habits that I would like to adopt as when I have tried them in the past, I have noticed a real difference to my nervous system and overall mental health. However, a lot of these techniques and strategies will work differently for different people so it is often about 'trialling' them to see what works best for you.

What About You?

I have talked at length about my personal story along with the different strategies that I am currently utilising but I am keen to hear from you! So I leave you with the following question:

What hobbies, activities or forms of self-care make you feel truly happy, energised and connected to your authentic self and how could you integrate one of them into your everyday routine this week?

Final Words:

For so long I have seen so many people trying to make themselves smaller, apologising for taking up time and space or perhaps even trying to fit into places that don't deserve to benefit from what they have to offer. But know that you do deserve space. We deserve to be our true, original selves without worry, guilt or shame. So when I see these unapologetically authentic people - in both the real and virtual world - who light up the darkest corners with their compassion, empathy, strength, honesty, creativity and originality, it inspires me to own my own story and be proud of it - despite the perceived flaws and rejections that come with it. I begin to reflect and realise that maybe I am just a square peg in a round hole and that's okay...

Thank you for reading my blog!

xxx