When the best of intentions don't work out, the opportunity for self-reflection and personal development are endless...
Driven by a need to succeed and to feel some sense of accomplishment, I decided (back in April of this year) to sign up for an ultra marathon. Having previously completed a marathon along with the training for a second one, I felt that this next challenge wasn't necessarily out of reach... I was very much mistaken! But more on that later...
Having been diagnosed with osteoarthritis- in my knees and hips- during the tail end of training for my second marathon in the year of Covid, I wasn't able to fulfil this challenge. As a result of this, I thought my running days were behind me and, as you can imagine, I felt extremely frustrated. For anyone who participates in these types of events or various other sporting challenges, you will understand the 'buzz' that accompanies it: a cocktail of excitement, exhilaration and pure adrenaline. Pushing your body (and mind) to its very limits and overcoming something that you once thought impossible, provides an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and, in certain moments, can be somewhat life affirming.
Flash Forward to 2024
I've forgotten that my body has its limits and my desire to take on a new experience dominates any semblance of rationality. In a moment of impulsivity, I sign up to an ultra marathon- covering 57 km across the treacherous peaks of Snowdonia. I look at the timings and checkpoints: 12 hours to complete it... How hard could it be?
One Month Before
I begin to realise that I am perhaps not as prepared as I should be for such an event... My lack of training is a combination of laziness and a deluded belief that my joints will be much better, fresher from being "well rested". I decide not to look at the route- sometimes the 'not knowing' is better than the 'knowing'!
One Week Before
It suddenly dawns on me that maybe I had better invest in some essential kit items: energy gels, protein bars, waterproofs along with a backpack (with an inbuilt flask). Who knew that such things existed?! There are other items on the list that make me slightly apprehensive though: a whistle, foil blanket and emergency food supplies...
A Couple of Days Before
With the equipment now sorted, the phrase "all the gear and no idea" springs to mind... I'm wondering whether or not I should pull out? I figure I'll just "give it a go" and drop out at the first checkpoint if needed: realising that my safety is my priority.
The 'Big Day' Arrives
I look 'the part' and even begin to feel 'the part' as I naively set off with my fellow runners towards the huge, mountainous peaks. That familiar 'buzz' courses throughout my body and I feel elated!
The start of the course lulls me into a false sense of security; I'm going at a good pace, I feel energised and I am able to successfully attack the peaks and troughs. I comfortably make it through the first checkpoint with time to spare and now I'm thinking: "This is great, I'll be in the pub in a few hours!" However, this level of ease and progress is short-lived...
Gradually the terrain becomes more and more challenging and unstable; the ground is boggy (from a previous day of rain) and jagged rocks jut out from all angles. The route becomes increasingly difficult to navigate with no clear paths, except for markers far away in the distance. Although I can see them, the majority of the time I have no idea how to get there!
The descents are just a difficult as the ascents and I take a tumble (due to a slippery rock), slicing my hand on its sharpest point as I try to break my fall. This tumble 'rocks me' (pardon the pun) and this happens a little after checkpoint one. The taxing terrain has also upset my joints; my right knee and left hip take it in turns to twinge.
The second checkpoint is around mile twenty so that becomes my next goal, however, with my bloody hand and the unrelenting ground, my determination is slowly evaporating. It's around ten miles between checkpoint one and two and as I begin to tire, the gap between myself and the main bulk of runners widens. I become increasingly aware of my isolation and the remote landscape.
Regret and Realisation
At about mile fourteen, I realise that I am out of my depth. My joints are extremely painful (especially my left hip) and I am struggling to walk. I should be averaging 4 mph to make the second checkpoint in time but I know I can't be moving any faster than about 0.5 mph so it's not looking good! As I am struggling up the (what feels like the 100th) mountain peak, I want to sit down, cry and give up. I know that I will have to forfeit this challenge (even if I do miraculously make the cut-off point) and right now, mile twenty seems so very far away.
Human Interaction
Although I entered the race solo and, up until this point, was running very much in my own zone with my headphones on, I now need human interaction. Feeling depleted, defeated and in a lot of pain, I have to reach out to others and share my despair!
I end up meeting two sisters, who I join for part of the way. One of them kindly lends me a walking pole to aid me down the mountain on my dodgy hip and the three of us cajole each other along. It's a relief to have others to share the experience with and, without their help in that moment, I don't know how I would have continued to move forward. I also meet two other men along with way. Again, one of them kindly lends me their walking poles and offers food, whilst the other encourages, cajoles and checks that I am okay.
For me personally, it was amazing to see how the support, kindness and generosity of these strangers had such a positive impact on my mental and physical strength. As a result of these interactions, I was able to make it to the second checkpoint and safely drop out of the race.
Human Connection and Kindness
I wonder if this is metaphor for every day life and the way in which we experience things, seek support from others and interact generally. Often, so many of us don't reach out for support until we are desperate: for fear of being a 'burden', appearing 'weak' or seeming 'unable to cope'. However, this reaching out takes such strength and courage and there are often so many incredible people out there who are so full of compassion and understanding or have the specific skill set to help in particular situations. Furthermore, we can often feel so alone in our experiences: unaware that, more often than not, others are going through something similar. This sharing, this connection along with the 'seemingly' small acts of kindness, can be overwhelmingly positive for our mental health.
Experience and Failure
Although I didn't complete the race, which could be considered a 'fail', this experience was significant for me thus so valuable. I learnt that this type of running (fell) requires immense training and talent so this would (probably and unsurprisingly) be my first and last fell running event! I also know that I was slightly naive as to what I was getting myself into and I would never recommend- to others- signing up for something without doing the required research, extensive training and necessary preparations. I was very much of the mindset that I would try my best but prioritise my safety (and the safety of others) along the way: not letting ego and ambition get the better of me. There was a part of me that felt frustrated that I hadn't opted for the marathon, as this route was mainly paths, and I feel that I could have then 'completed' something. However had I done this, I would have not had the opportunity to meet all of the wonderful people and truly see the importance of human interaction and connection.
Finally, I learnt that sometimes experience can be more rewarding than success and, in a way, this type of personal development can be the biggest accomplishment of all. I have a huge amount of respect for the impressive runners that I got to see that day along with all of the superb marshals, safety team and event organisers that ensure the day runs as smoothly as possible. My fell running career may have been short and sweet but for now a 10k may not be out of the question...
Thank you for reading my blog!
xxx
A great read with important reminders ❤️
An interesting blog with honest self reflection on a useful experience- well done!