"Experience" versus Experience...
When the modern world is consumed with snapping those all important "picture perfect" moments, how do we decipher the difference between existing (for the benefit of others) and truly living for ourselves? Is it time to re-consider both the meaning and concept of "experience" along with how our perception of it can dramatically shape our immediate existence?
Life in my twenties mainly consisted of great highs but also great lows: a 'pick n mix' of sweet and sour experiences you could say... This time period encompassed a real range of life experiences: living independently (with zero culinary skills); studying and graduating; attending exciting celebrations (and lots of parties); great love stories with not so great endings; an action-packed social life (with limited cash flow); navigating new jobs, new careers and the scary unknown; but finally, and most importantly, fully embracing the freedom that comes with being in your twenties. Although at times it could all feel a little daunting, there was a tendency to dive in head first and just keep swimming until the next opportunity to come up for air! Everything I did was just about jumping in with two feet: there was no dipping my toes in first and testing the water! And I believe that a large part of this was down to the fearless nature of "twenty-something me" along with the keen desire to "experience" all that life has to offer.
However, after a few difficult or uncomfortable times - combined with the internal pressure to avoid repeating the same mistakes - it can become second nature to want to protect oneself from experiencing more hurt, pain, rejection or disappointment. Yes, we learn. Yes, we mature. Yes, we change and evolve. But can one ever truly shelter themselves from the "roller coaster" of real life?
I think it's easy to believe that watching the ride from the sidelines is the sensible option: living vicariously through others (with a sense of smugness in the safety and security of solid ground). But how does this lend itself to personal growth and true development?
Personally for me, as I have aged, I have noticed that I have become dependent on purchasing "experiences" as a way of protecting myself. However, to essentially "commoditise" experience and a feeling, there is the chance for it to gradually become a substitute for "risk avoidance" in your own personal life. Maybe there's another career you want to try, or a new country you would like to try or even just a different lifestyle altogether that has always seemed somewhat appealing to you? However, these yearnings can become quickly forgotten when buying "happy" - for now - provides that quick dopamine hit; an instant gratification that allows you to momentarily misplace those bigger dreams.
I have bought numerous experiences: dangling off the side of skyscrapers; zip-lining from mountain to mountain; or even hanging forty feet in the air parasailing (absolutely terrified of the vast ocean beneath me!). All extreme experiences designed to induce fear and increase adrenaline in order to feel a "buzz" and sense of elation. Yes, there is always a slight element of danger in these types of activities but there is no denying that this is a controlled experience with an element of controlled risk. The rush is instant but the rush is also temporary and what's more the rush has been "bought". And I wonder, if something is "bought", does this affect the value and authenticity of the experience?
Yes, we can turn experiences into commodities, life into a transaction and "buy" brief snippets of happiness in order to achieve a satisfying existence but does this prevent us from getting comfortable with the uncomfortable? Has it become a distraction from real feelings, real contentment and ultimately, real life?
As human beings, we naturally want to protect ourselves: physically, mentally and emotionally. And although this is important, we must remember that not all feelings will be comfortable, not all emotions can feel positive and not all experiences are expected. But things don't stay the same; everything in life is transient and everything soon passes. I often find this a soothing thought in times of difficulty.
I am currently in my "experience" era: trying to embrace and respect all situations by not attaching a "good" or "bad" label to events and encounters. And even though this feels somewhat alien to me right now, I feel that this is an important step in my own personal development. By observing, accepting and respecting a whole myriad of emotions, I am able to gain a better awareness of self. By providing this non-judgemental space, these thoughts and emotions are allowed to take shape organically as opposed to being controlled, squashed and ultimately, suppressed (potentially rearing a much uglier form later down the line). Moreover, the perception of what constitutes a "good" or "bad" experience can change over time, as even a "positive" experience can sometimes lead to a period of mourning or a yearning to re-create that same moment thus looking somewhat different in the rear view mirror. Equally, something that is seen as a "negative" can morph into a positive if one is able learn from it and make a change. Personally, I am trying to remember that: if it can teach me something about myself than at least I am much better equipped to face something similar in the future.
This shift in my thought patterns has sprung from my own observations regarding my personal growth. Over the past few years I have noticed that - although I have stepped out of my comfort zone and tried new experiences - I could push myself somewhat further. And often, it's those things I truly want that I actually shy away from the most. If there isn't a guarantee of safety or success, then I sometimes hold myself back: talking myself out of it or excessively researching until it seems like a bad idea.
An example of this would be this very blog page. I spent approximately six months toying with the idea: listening to other people's experiences until I decided it wasn't "for me". Subconsciously though, I was looking for excuses - perhaps a little nervous about navigating the new technology and sharing my writing publicly. However, now that I have signed up and started, I am enjoying the ride. Everybody is on their own journey, their own ride, with their own experience... I have learnt that another person's perception of something can cloud my own judgement thus ultimately preventing me from experiencing something for myself. But we cannot experience life properly through others and their assessments of things.
As human beings we are conditioned to "not make mistakes". We strive for perfection, we seek neatness and often berate ourselves when we "fall short" of these unrealistic goals. But we are human beings. We are allowed to make mistakes. We are allowed to show emotion. We are allowed to not be okay. Emotions and experiences make up the rich tapestry of life: it's a part of living. So yes, we can continue to shelter ourselves in the safety of buying "experience" but it should never be a substitute for the freedom that comes with experiencing a life that truly aligns with ourselves. So maybe it's time to make that move, have that honest conversation or take that first step towards what you've always dreamt of!
Some may argue that the classic cliche of life being about "the journey" is just a way of tricking ourselves into seeing the world through rose tinted specs. But I truly believe that life is a journey of ups and downs. So stop watching from the sidelines: buy a ticket, join the queue and get ready for the ride!
Thank you for reading my blog!
xxx
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